Going Home

Have you ever felt drawn to a place...a place you have never even been to?

I have.

I was living in the constant summers of Florida, longing for the days of autumn walks through ancient castle grounds, winters cold nipping at my nose as I sipped tea by a wood fire place, curled up in a thick blanket, and spring gardens in need of planting and caring for.

I dreamed of tales and truths of fairies and mermaids, kings and queens, and lands so ancient that every blade of grass, had a secret to tell.

My sunny Florida home was filled with 100 year old books from my grandmother, vintage mason jars that you cannot find in stores anymore, countless glass containers of herbs for teas and medicines, and a tea kettle that sat on my stove, wishing for the days of more thirsts to quench and bellies to warm, by the hot tea that steeped inside.

I longed for tradition and culture of a place that only existed to me in movies and dreams.

I never felt "home"...not in all the places around the USA, Mexico, Costa Rica, and Panama that I was living in. Trying to run from my reality on the outside, to meet with a reality that was within me. But I wasn't finding it.

I felt out of place. Out of era.

This longing to find "home" became an addiction and for 10 years, I was more or less, living out of a suitcase. Always on a search for a place that felt right. A place where I belonged.

.....and I nearly gave up.

"Stop running and be happy with yourself and you will find happiness wherever you are"

.....a phrase I heard from friends and family ringing in a constant echo in my ears.

Maybe they were right? But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much spiritual work I did, no matter how many friends I made, no matter how happy I allowed myself to be....I was still not home.

I was lost, and feeling very home sick for a place I didn't even know.

For years I had dug into my Native American family roots, thinking that was the path I needed to find a connection with where I was and find meaning in the path I was on, and though I learned amazing and wonderful things, I still wasn't making the connection that my soul was searching for.

Finally one day, I realized I was looking at the wrong family roots. I began obsessively searching my family tree on my mothers side, digging up stories from my grandmother (who seemed the most like me), and as if she knew I would be searching for answers, she laid out the stepping stones, many years before her death, when I was just 8 years old. But she knew I was coming. She knew I would be searching, and as soon as I opened that door, all the answers started to flood in.

Mind blowing connections began to be made.
Memories of past lives, were discovered in actual places.
Friends were made in the exact town that my ancestors directly came from.
DNA results proved my close connection with England, Scotland, Ireland, and Norway.
...all the places that dug the deepest stories into me as a child, grasping stronger on my soul until I finally would come home.

I booked out tickets, and with little plan laid ahead of me, we boarded the 8 hour flight to head home.

The moment we landed in London and began driving North through the country side....I knew we had come home. Something shifted within me, and ever though I had no clue what my plan was going to be and I had arrived with very little money, I felt less stress than I ever have in my life.

We had finally arrived home.

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